Friday, June 19, 2015

Pilot

Growing up, I always wanted to be in my twenties. I had it all planned out. I'd have the perfect boyfriend, see my friends all the time, and graduate from college knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Ha...about that. I guess the ore I grew up, the more I felt lost. It turns out, I couldn't see myself in a relationship without knowing who I was or, most importantly, who I wanted to be.  I got it into my head that if I fell in love at all, it would dictate where my life would take me. And I didn't know, so I didn't want to drag down a potential boyfriend into my unsure life. So, no perfect boyfriend for me. And seeing my friends is not always an option anymore these days. It's not anyone's fault, except that we each have drastically different lives away from one another now. One has a beautiful baby girl, one has a full time job almost an hour away, and one works and starts summer courses to hopefully graduate by next spring. It's hard enough that we can't even follow through with our once a week hangouts. And what all three of my best friends have that I don't is a boyfriend. Long term ones. It's something I want more than anything: to give love. But how can I when I don't know how to love myself. Which brings me to my third point. I thought that by now, all graduated with a diploma, that I'd have my life together and know exactly what move I'd make next to further my career.

So, what's a 22 year old girl to do when she's hopelessly single and unsure what to do with her life. She learns to fall in love with herself. In order to keep moving forward, I know I have to start with the goal of being happy. If I'd be given a million dollars, I would want to spend half on research for cancer, and the rest to travel the world. However, I'm broke and the dream of a million dollars is far out of my reach. What isn't too far for me to reach, is my dream to travel.

It's not the most orthodox thing to do as a recent college graduated and not in the slightest intention my parents will ever understand, but as of right here, right now, I am determined to travel by the fall/winter. So my first step is to earn a lot this summer to fully fund myself in my travels. 

Because nobody believes in me and my decision, it further motivates me. Like any relationship, you have to trust in it. It goes two ways. And for this relationship, I will hope to fall in love with the world and all that it has to offer. No one is going to ruin this relationship of mine. Mine and the world. 

love, 
ellie

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